Another serving of Pambie Herrera's Poems

CALL OF THE QUILL



Words flooded me in a navigable ocean

Like a lost ship sailing on a labyrinth

Scorned by typhoon's face

They came so rapidly

During my most impenetrable

Solace with anonymity

They came in torrents

Which my mind was unable to calculate

Much more decipher

All I can do was to entertain them

Like a hospitable host

And forgot they came even before they left



But they stayed

Lavishing my thoughts with its punitive torture

That has yet to be indemnified

By the slightest weeping of the ink

I know, they were meant to be

Hidden in oblivion

For if not

They may cause people to think

Of an extreme insanity

That plagued my senses



But I tell you:

They kept coming

Willing to bare their soul

And as I drench their nakedness

The more they became incessant

Of prodding me to take heed of the call





WHITE AUTUMN



There are no rainbows

During this time of pale autumn



I walk in sands of white

Beneath a shrouded cloud of black rain

Confetti leaves of monochrome

Smoldered by a once fiery memory

Forever shared in forgetfulness

By those who knew my last summer



The tear, a prism it should be

To change this lifeless scene

To a flush of kaleidoscope



But it failed to escape my eyes



It is here

But it can never be shed



I wait for the maple leaves to burst red

But it remained a shower of dust

Softening my path of pebbles



There are no rainbows

Just a memory of how this autumn

Confronts me

Without its colors





THE SHELL



Wrapped in a mellifluous embrace

You sing

The deepest song of the sea

Such beauty you capture

In waves imprisoned within your bounds

That an inquiring ear alone can hear



Even the palms of my hands

Cannot hold the immensity

Of your galloping song

For it escapes me

Like wind of past

Yet never loses its warmth

Upon my ear



And the sands are nowhere

But traces of a weathered affliction

Sang by a drowned soul

Seeking for home



You hold your song upon your breast

Only to be heard by those

Who keeps you close





TAGHOY NG DAGAT





Umiyak ka

Basagin ang mga luha

Tulad ng umaalon kong katawang

Patuloy na gingahasa ng bagyo

Walang katapusang alipin ng araw



Pahaw na ang mata sa pag-iyak

Manhid na sa sakit

Na dulot ng nalunod na pag-asa

Ni hindi na maisipang dumaloy

Ng abang luha



Kahit unos pilit na niyayakap

Sapagkat halik niya

Ang aking kalayaan

Nagbibigay halakhak

Sa mga gabing ligaw



Ikaw, kailan huling nakatikim

Ng alat iyong mga mata?



Dinggin mo ang aking awit

At didiligin ko ng alat iyong mga luha







INSOMNIA 6



Pulsating awareness

Of a hopeful darkness

Leading my wakefulness

To a fervent kneeling

I ask slumber to kill my eyes



But no!

The more I become incessant

To the night's call

Of its yearning



And in this deep recession

Of ebony's beguiling passion

I find my knees

In joyful intercession



DUSK AND SOLITUDE


Silent my heart is

Calm as it kisses

The crimson dusk

Birthing anew from

The saffron rays

Gently it glides

Unto the recesses

Of the sheltered moment

That only the abyss

Of time holds

A treasure trove

Yet to be uncovered

It remain placid

And undisturbed

Even as the dusk

Prods its way

To its disclosure

Its threat of aging

As it welcomes

The sweetness

Of darkness' song

And the lark

Raptures a burning note

That strikes the gentleness

Of my soul

Exploding into a mildness

Bliss

That the union

Of night and twilight

Alone can hear

Quiet it has to be

For it not to lose its song

A worth once told

This treasure that

I have kept for so long

The night creeps

And once more I will hide

This love

On my own

In a world of images

this story was taken from www.inq7.net

URL: http://www.inq7.net/opi/2003/dec/14/text/opi_rsdavid-1-p.htm



In a world of images
Posted:10:52 PM (Manila Time) | Dec. 13, 2003
By Randy David



IT must have been one of the many spokespersons of the President. Someone from Malacañang recently made a point of saying that Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is President in "the real world." The remark was clearly meant to draw a sharp contrast between GMA, a "real" President, and FPJ, an aspirant from the imaginary world of the movies. Any serious student of philosophy however might tell us that the statement, witty as it may be, makes sense only if there is a way of knowing the "real world" except through our images of it. There is none.

Modern science may often seem as if it offers us a more accurate picture of the world "as it really is." But this picture is just one more image taken from another angle, using some instruments of measurement. In the latest Social Weather Stations survey, for instance, the President received a minus 3 satisfaction rating. That rating depicts her as a non-performing President. Harsh as it is, this is the image that the Filipino public has of her at this time, as seen through the lenses of a public opinion poll.

We get to know reality only through appearances, whether we use our everyday commonsense or the sophisticated methods of science. There is no way, as Nietzsche puts it, of "reaching beyond the image or behind it." We may oppose what purports to be a more precise image to one derived from commonsense by, for example, drawing a more comprehensive picture of how things came to be. But even this shows only another image, not reality "as it really is."

All this is to say that we are well advised not to denigrate images of character derived from the movies or television. They are as "real" as the projections that public officials make of their achievements. Perhaps the only difference, if any, is that in the case of the movies, viewers are prompted to suspend belief, whereas in politics there is no such warning. When politicians present their qualifications and achievements on television, they expect us to suspend disbelief.

The consciousness of the poor is as true as their condition. There is nothing false about it. They see the world necessarily from the prism of their own beliefs and values. The habits of thought that constitute the core of their consciousness are products of their specific formation as a human community. Their consciousness may be limited from the standpoint of certain goals, but it is not inferior.

There was a time when I, like many from the Left, uncritically accepted terms like "false consciousness" and "objective conditions." When people subjected to exploitation and oppression failed to respond to their situation in a revolutionary way, we said it was because they suffered from "false consciousness." We assumed that what they needed was a correct political education to enable them to see the "objective conditions" of their exploitation and oppression. The patronizing arrogance of this language became evident to me when I encountered the writings of Paulo Freire, the Brazilian educator. In his work among the poor of Latin America and Africa, Freire insisted that the people must be allowed to "create their own words."

But the other side of this process is equally important. Those of us who claim to see better and are inclined to teach must also learn the ability to look inward and review our own perspectives. For these may often be colored by unexamined fears and prejudices that prevent us from assigning any value to others' opinions even before we have understood where they are coming from.

We typically assume, for example, that the voting behavior of the poor is not rational when they choose candidates who do not possess the experience and qualifications that we think are essential to the position they seek. We forget that rationality is relative. People have different concepts of the ideal leader. These are not unchanging notions; they depend very much on people's perceptions of the situation in which they find themselves at any given moment.

In late 1985, after Marcos suddenly announced the holding of a snap election in February the following year, the public searched around for a presidential candidate who could personify the popular movement that opposed Marcos. Winning was secondary; everyone expected Marcos to cheat. Experience and readiness to discharge the duties of the presidency were also secondary. The important thing was to offer the nation the complete antithesis of Marcos. That was Cory Aquino, a woman whose husband had been murdered by the regime, a housewife with no previous experience in politics who could tell Marcos-the consummate politician-that she also did not have any experience in corruption.

Yet we were not wanting in leaders who could lead the country out of the nightmare of martial law. The venerable Lorenzo Ta¤ada, who led countless demonstrations against the dictatorship, was still alive. So was the brilliant Jose W. Diokno. Undeterred by his incarceration in Marcos jails, he articulated the clearest vision of a nation for our children. So was Jovito R. Salonga, the scholar-statesman who led the Senate that closed the American bases in the Philippines and, to this day, continues to fight for a just society. They all stepped aside to make way for Cory Aquino.

Analysts may say that the public's choice of a leader may not always be the right one for the nation. That is a judgment that still proceeds from the specific perspective of a given set of goals and values. In a world of images, we can only look at results from different perspectives. We have no recourse to a neutral or eternal perspective lying outside human affairs.

* * *

Comments to randolf@pacific.net.ph
©2003 www.inq7.net all rights reserved

Blessings

this story was taken from www.inq7.net

URL: http://www.inq7.net/opi/2003/dec/12/text/opi_csdequiros-1-p.htm



Blessings
Posted:8:19 PM (Manila Time) | Dec. 11, 2003
By Conrado de Quiros



LAST Tuesday, I saw a sight where I live. It was just past 2 p.m. I was on my way to Makati to meet with somebody and was dreading the thought of driving all the way there. I normally just take the Metro Rail Transit (MRT) going to Makati, but decided to bring the car this time since I had to go to the Inquirer afterward (it was our anniversary). My dread proved well founded. Traffic was horrible, despite the hour, the odd day, and the fact that no accident had taken place along Edsa.

But before I got out of our compound, I saw an old man lugging a big ice cream chest on his back. He was an itinerant ice cream vendor, one of those who ply their trade our way. The others push along carts with carnival tunes tinkling after them, and only in the mornings and late afternoons when they have better chances of finding customers. And they have "runners," kids who knock on doors, or ring the doorbell like there was an emergency, and take orders from the upper floors. I don't know what kind of commission they make, but I've always been a sucker for their spirit of enterprise.

The old man was different. He was lugging the thing on his back, and his back was bent from the exertion. He was frail and ragged, his small thin body looking like a question mark when viewed from the side. He had the most mournful expression I had seen on a face. He was looking down at the pavement with vacant eyes, walking on a cloudy and tepid afternoon from inertia, one foot following another from the sheer remembrance of the motion. He wasn't shouting his ware, his mouth was agape and his breathing was labored. He probably knew there was little chance of finding anyone to buy ice cream at that hour, the compound looked deserted except for the workmen who were busy drilling into the cement. But still he walked, hoping a lightning bolt would issue from clear skies.

His face no longer wore the pained expression of someone who demanded to know from heaven why life was like this. It wore the blank expression of someone who took what he was doing at that very hour to be part of the order of the universe, as natural as the sighing of the wind and the silence of the stones. It wore the staggering weight of someone who lived in the present and for the present, someone who could see neither behind nor ahead, where he had come from and where he was going, where past and future lay. His life seemed to be governed by absolute need, and he met it with absolute instinct.

When I saw him, I remembered the old woman who to this day delivers our paper. She has been doing so for more than five years now. I am her favorite customer because when I was still writing editorials for this paper, I used to buy all the broadsheets from her, courtesy of this paper. Now I buy only one, guess what. But I have remained her favorite customer because I pay cash on the nail--something apparently her other customers in our compound do not do. They rack up a debt that keeps growing, without ever getting paid. That is why I subscribe to Nandy Pacheco's favorite cause and do not own a gun even at home: If I did, I would go out and shoot them.

I am this old woman's favorite customer for another reason. She does not only collect cash from me, she keeps mortgaging her future with me. I think I've paid her for the next several months (I don't know up to which month; I haven't counted). She needs the advance because of one thing and another, mostly the needs of her grandchildren. I have yet to hear her complain about her lot in life. Nothing we give her--sweater, umbrella, etc.--stays long with her. They are immediately passed on to kin.

I asked Manang (as we call her) once how old she was and was astounded to learn she was only in her late 60s. She looks far, far older. Her face is a map of hills and furrows, and well etched they are too. She has gotten bowlegged from the daily grind, and on mornings you can see her on the compound or out in the streets hobbling, or bobbing from side to side like an inverted pendulum. By rights she should be living the quiet life of someone who has paid her dues, with the steepest interest. By necessity, she has to climb stairs on arthritic legs, an affliction I have the most sympathy, or empathy, for. Yet wondrously, miraculously, she always manages a smile, sometimes a laugh.

After seeing the old man on our compound that warm afternoon and remembering Manang on her morning rounds, I fell into traffic in Edsa. The snarling, growling kind that sounds like dogs snapping at each other after being thrown scraps of meat. That is no exaggeration when you look at the way we drive, which is a dedicated subversion not just of basic courtesy but of rational thought. I have always wondered, having done my work from my home for more than a decade now, if I can ever work in an office again. But that is another story.

But somehow, that afternoon everything seemed like a walk in the park. Trying to extricate myself from the tangle of glass and metal that seemed to have fused like soldered iron on that spot of earth seemed like the easiest thing in the world, especially with the aid of newly restored air-conditioning. Tapping the wheel with fingers while furiously texting people to say I would be late, and wondering where on earth the cops were, they must be having beer in a neighborhood turo-turo (roadside eatery) to go with the free lunch, seemed almost like a benign pass. Enduring the slings and arrows of outrageous helplessness, hearing the minutes and seconds and microseconds ticking by while I stared at the world with vacant eyes, seemed like listening to Bach's suites for single cello and gazing at Van Gogh's sunflowers.

Count your blessings instead of sheep, the song says. Better still this Christmas, share them.
©2003 www.inq7.net all rights reserved

Starry night

Thousands
of things
not me
I cannot count
Filling
this void
called my life
until I drown
then I become
Lost
My dreamkeeper's eyes
Surround me
I am
after all
A million things
more glorious.

I have
merely forgotten.

down



where I am



dying



nothing



Where I am


lifeless

breathing what is left

of stale air

I would rather

choke myself

that I do not have to
breathe.












Down
Where I am
I am
defeated














and i do not rise

again.



I would rather burn
remain as ash
See myself
scattered

Dust

And the wind
just might


Carry me

Home.

STRUGGLE

spliced in this crevice
of muffled sanity and impulsive insanity
this repose
a cursed escape
from a spiteful bedlam
of an eccentric monotone

the line splits not knowing where to go

should it be total abnegation
of what was past?
or
an imprisoned suffocation
of a redolent present?

the air is just above the heavy water

i either drown
or
swim


can i not struggle with both?

be sane
and
insane?

be ephemeral
and
eternal?

silent

yet

heard?

the line is thin

BUT THE CHOICE IS CLEAR:

darkness and light
can never be congruent

nor can they even be seen
on the same plane

-pambie herrera
8/3/2003

UGLY HANDS

I have
Ugly hands
Not worn
Not weathered
Just plain
Ugly.

Short
Almost stubby
Fingers.
Nails
Shaped strangely
Mine
Like my mother's.

I have
My mother's hands
Worn
Weathered
Now.
Beautiful.

Pambie Herrera's Incence Series

INCENSE

unlit
yet your incense
burns
upon my nose

hungry
for the taste
of pine

being held
by a longing
to swallow
its cone

to feed the sight
that this eyes
were unable to hold

-pambie, 7/18/03



INCENSE 2

incense lit
smokes tendril
into mid-air nest
of woven pine needles
of translucent dreams
in a hazy afternoon

and its scent wafts
past me
that i follow its traces
as it goes back
from where it came
past highways
that knew roses trails
and mountains
that stood for ages
beyond the silhouettes
disclosed not by early fogs

only upon a memory
of wrapped smokes
of the incense burning
and the touch
of its pine scent
sheeting my nose
can lead me back
to your doorstep

and i lit the next
for me to enter
your door

-pambie, 7/18/03



INCENSE 3

what shatters me is:
nothing in this scent
of pine needles
can intrude your sanctuary

for how can smoke sulk back
to a less dense air
that covers your space?

how can this fragrance
unwrap the quietness of you
that scorches distance?

and how can another
incense burn
without losing its scent?

no amount of this burning
can reach you,
no aroma can

for its familiarity
numbed you

the ashes fall in soft laces
giving its last sweet smell
that is my soul

but you never opened your door
you never let me in
your opaque seclusion

-pambie, 7/18/03



INCENSE 4

the pack, empty
incense gone

just the aftermath
of its heavy weeping:
ashes covers
my calloused hands
and smokes
curtaining a translucent
memory

shelved.

soon to fade
with the last trembling scent
rising to my nostrils
that wants to deny
its honeyed suffocation

my eyes closed
to savor the taste
of the last tears
of this pungent burning

as the air blew its last
the smokes clear
yet the fragrance
never left
this i know: it never will

for to me:
i smell the fresh memory
of the pine cones
so close that
the memory became real

the air thicks
with the sweetness
of rose petals
reckoning me
to open my eyes

and when i did,
i realized
that you brought back
the pine scent
right on my doorstep

-pambie 7/18/03

Untitled

your silence
impenetratable

black as ebony
creeping shadows
stealing dusk's
riot of colors

no moonlight
can unmask
the hidden quietude
of my crested
distance

still i securely delight

for unto us...

not even your silence
nor my distance
can blur
intimacy

pambie herrerra,7/8/2003

Hindi pagbabalatkayo
Hindi tungkulin
Hindi sapilitan

Sapagkat may dahilan
May patutunguhan

Mula dito.

Pagdating ng araw
Doon.

Katapusan.

Net Connecting

Amazing
How all these wires
Unseen
Can make
The universe
Such a smaller place.

Are you here?

I am.

Transformed
Into zeroes and ones
But I am just as real

As you are.

Head Over Feet
Alanis Morissette

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

CHORUS:
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

REPEAT CHORUS

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

REPEAT CHORUS

Mount Moriah

My palms shiver
Scarred with your touch of goodbye
Eyes closed yet burn
With saline tears
I see gore
Bloodshed.
I was hesitant to draw
The knife
Upon the innocent face
That knew not of pain
If only i can numb this heart
For me not to cry
For me not to see you die
But i have to draw the knife
And see your blood
Drench the parch land where i lie
Water the thorns
In the thickets of my soul
Your flesh i need to cut dead
To burn my selfish desires

Blood.
Ash.

Daybreak of crimson sky
And the air breaks
Tears of dust that
Will sting my eyes

As i strike the knife
On the sacrifice...

I saw my God
Glorified!

-pambie herrera
march 21, 2003

MASTERPIECE
by Lydia T. Bayedbed
Igorota, February 2003

The dream catcher hangs above my head
dancing to the melody of a nearing slumber
as the night lulls itself in darkness
will the moon echo the chants you whispered
or your heartbeat while you twined the beads
and spun the thread to weave it?
will it ever capture the mystery in your eyes
the countenance you always disguised
as the silhouette of a full moon god
will it enchant your mortal soul now
see through the dreams of sleeping goddess
and make you believe in my magic?
Will you find the beauty you imagined
paint it, sculpt it with your hands
purge the hues from your soul
or will you elude the moment
sleep in the land of shadows
and let a masterpiece slip out of your dreams?

AN INQUIRY TO A REDDER WINTER
can the winter be redder?
redder than the blood of autumn leaves
weeping profusely from the bare majesty
of a naked tree?
redder than the scorching sun
bathing the earth
with its crimson cries?
redder than the blooms of roses
basking the spring's early dawn rains?
maybe redder as snow blisters
my ashen palms and face
still i surmise:
how can winter be redder?
--pambie herrera, 3/ 7/ 03

COMFORT ROOM

Funny
How this
toilet
has become
my sanctuary
when i reflect
how much
of a less
noble character
I am.
No, not funny.
How proper
that this
toilet
should be here
so that I might pour out
tears
Reflecting
How much
Failure
I have become.
The toilet bowl
stays strong
supporting
while i crouch
dejected
And this roll of tissue
continues
Available.
The door stays
Closed
that I might be left
Alone.
I cry.
The waste of my soul
Disposed.
I am heard.
I am comforted.

Sometimes I would slip into the library and give myself a reading of Time or Newsweek. I had enjoyed much of these "escapes" and though I am reading mostly "history" as the issues arrive much later than the dates printed on the covers... they were still worthwhile reads. I am, afterall, reading them not because of the the information or analysis eck. Truth does not have to come in glossy pages. Instead, I read them as literary journals.... I was reading much of the prose and the poetry.....more than the fact. Here are some favorites:

".... I savored her sorrowful voice, felt the ca - chunking rythm of the wheels in my bones, the echo Thomas Wolfe called the sound of forever, and looked outside to see whom I could say hello and goodbye forever all at once. A young soldier huddled by a cooking fire. I waved. He flipped me off." - Mike Meyer, "Immigrant's Song," Time, August 19 - 26, 2002.


"...As the train eased into Moscow, the conductor pulled me aside. He'd also been silently worrying. 'Listen, little brother,' he said, placing his arms on my shoulder. 'Be careful. You're a foreigner here. A tourist. It's not safe. Don't drink too much.' I remembered him putting me to bed the night before. 'Germans can drink. Mongolians can drink. You ar nor German or Mongolian.'
'But what about.....'
'Her?' The conductor chuckled, looking to Miss Zhou. 'She's Chinese. She'll be fine.' The train shuddered to a stop. We stepped from it into the world. A pair of kindly looking aunties greeted Miss Zhou by name. She waved goodbye and walked with them, toting her little bag, chattering happily in Chinese. I stood alone on the platform, wondering where I was." - Mike Meyer, "Immigrant's Song"

"Every piece of duckweed floats down to the sea; People will always meet each other somewhere." - "Journey to the West", Time, August 19 - 26, 2002.

"A day in the life of Africa," Newsweek, October 21, 2002

VISIT

For a while
It was delightful
That you have
seen
heard
tasted
What I have
seen
heard
tasted.
For a while
It was delightful
To blabber
In a language I know
and understand.
This strange new land
Did not seem strange
Anymore
Than I felt new.
And I am home
For a while.

TERMINAL

There are yet stories
Waiting to be told
Feet shuffle
Awkward
Seats wait
Lonely.
Time does not.
Time approaches
Baggages carried
Or tugged along.
The stories wait still
Untold.
Maybe next time
When the bus arrives.
Time comes
The bus leaves.

Ender's Game
Nebula and Hugo Award Winner
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From its first publication in January 1985, Ender's Game quickly became a classic in the science fiction field. It was greeted enthusiastically by the Science Fiction Writers of America, which gave it the Nebula Award for best novel of 1985, and the 1986 World Science Fiction Convention awarded Ender's Game the best novel Hugo. (What really stunned everyone was the following year, when the sequel, Speaker for the Dead, also won both awards -- something no author had ever done before, still less for a book and its sequel!)

While Card has gone on to win other awards (two more Hugos, a World Fantasy Award, and in 1996 the Locus Award for Best Fantasy Novel of the year for his book Alvin Journeyman), Ender's Game continues to be his most popular novel, capturing the imagination of children, teenagers, and adults. Ender's Game has been translated into French, German, Spanish, Japanese, Dutch, Czech, Danish, Finnish, Hebrew, Hungarian, Italian, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, and Swedish.

Why does the story work so well? Many people call it "the science fiction novel for people who don't think they like science fiction." While the trappings of science fiction are there -- spaceships, aliens, futuristic machinery -- the reason the book works for so many people is that it's first and foremost a human story, of a boy who finds the burdens of the world placed on his back. Isolated and alone, his anguish resonates in the hearts of all readers.

Yes, kids who read the book really enjoy the whole idea of the Battle School, a three-dimensional playspace where children in special suits have mock combats between armies. Others are intrigued by the military aspects of the book. When the Marine University at Quantico required students in one class to read Ender's Game, it wasn't for the strategy -- tactics in 3D space aren't really a big deal for the Marines. Rather, it was because Ender's Game is virtually a textbook in how to develop a strong relationship between a commander and his troops -- with plenty of examples also in how to fail as a commander.

Other people -- especially in the online community -- love Ender's Game because of the powerful role it shows for computer networks in the world of the future. The Internet has taken a few steps in the direction shown by Ender's Game, but we're still a long way from a time when public discourse takes place primarily on the Internet and e-discussions can influence public policy. So Ender's Game is still a dream.

Yet others find the "Mind Game" most appealing. This is the computer game that students in the Battle School play, allowing their teachers to evaluate their emotional state. Ender, however, forces the computer to reprogram itself to allow him to play the game in new, unpredictable ways. The whole idea of a self-altering game that responds to the needs and desires of the player still intrigues many -- though Card has still not been able to persuade any computer game publishers to develop a self-creating game!

Above all, though, Ender's Game is the story of growing up alone, trying to find independence when none is allowed, trying to find meaning in a life whose meaning has already been defined. Almost everyone has at some time felt himself or herself to be in the same kind of no-win situation as Ender Wiggin, and the triumph of the book is not that Ender Wiggin "wins," but that he grows up along the way.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copyright � 1985 Orson Scott Card

A Tor Book - Published by Tom Doherty Associates, Inc.

Jacket art by John Harris - Jacket design by Carol Russo
http://www.frescopictures.com/movies/ender/enderbook.html