Life Letter for January 2005

January 4, 2005

Dear Hotaru,

I was wondering why our church's new year's eve service had no
candlelighting ceremony like it used to in the previous years. I never
did get to ask. Not that I saw anything wrong in it being absent. I
guess I just liked the idea of lighting a candle for the New Year.

January 6, 2005

My life has resumed to enduring the noisy highway side where our staff
house and office is located. It has been several days that I had
trouble sleeping. That is not something normal, or even frequent to
me. If, at certain times I go to bed with troubled thoughts, I would
be thankful of the respite that sleep would give me. I theorize that
it is probably the noise, since I did have quite a long enough break
and nights at our home in Baguio are a restful haven. The
sleeplessness might also be a manifestation of an excitement that is
nonetheless present, but which I have not been very expressive about.
Sometimes a rush of ideas could indeed keep your mind up and awake
even with your body's insistence to stop all activity. It's like
having drunk a lot of coffee, and the caffeine got into you.

How has it been? Has it been 365 days already… Here in the staff
house, one does not get to sit in front of the mirror for a time long
enough so you could talk to your reflection or make faces at it. So I
haven't had much time to notice how the previous year has changed me.
But I know it did… and it goes beyond my darkened skin complexion,
courtesy of the La Union sun, and my shortened hair, which I sported
when I started with my job, as a "new experience indicator", or was it
a "letting go ritual" for my previous life experience? Either way, I
did get to learn a few.

For one, the complexities of romance, and I still don't get it… but I
am enjoying it as it is – complex. I have always thought God's love
story with us is simple. He loved us so much that He gave His only
son. But then, when you start putting in the logic, and the intellect,
and the opinions of educated men, it all gets muddled up, we begin to
question: "What's love got to do with it?" We could never understand
how a baby born on Christmas could save us, but it did. We could never
understand how a man dying on a cross could save us, but it did. And
some people still don't get it but believe, and are saved. I guess
that's how faith could make all the difference. You simply believe.
Even in romance. And love has everything to do with it. But I will not
indulge you, so I shall keep that part to myself.

And again, for another, the complexities of changing the world. Or at
least promoting world peace. You learn that not all those in
development work are good people. You learn that even where people
"work" to make the world a better place, righteousness does not
prevail. Sometimes good intentions could go awry, which is usually
dangerous. But even more dangerous are seeming good intentions. Not
that I got burned or something. Reality bites. The world needs
transformers who themselves have been transformed. Christians can not
just watch the world go hungry, or at war, or in shambles and call it
signs of the end of the world. Jesus Christ was a development worker,
a community organizer, a women's rights activist, a children's rights
promoter. Why aren't His followers in the front lines of the battle to
claim heaven here on earth? I hope I am wrong to think we are not.

There are yet other bits and pieces of wisdom that have been learned
along the way. Humbling bits and pieces most of them. I still have to
earn the forgiveness of a friend. I fight the guilt feeling of not
having worked hard enough. I relish the joy of a child brought to the
home. I acknowledge the super heroes that are in mothers and fathers.
I am saddened over relationships broken. I still cry and wait for the
promise of a hope and a future for the Philippines. In all this, one
thing stands. God is faithful, and He loves you and me. We are foolish
to think otherwise. This love brings me hope, to which I cling. I can
be changed to become better. I can be forgiven. I can bless people. I
can love. I can serve.
So can you. Tell me your year-end story. I wait for it eagerly.

Hope. Take care. God bless you.

Loves,
Kulibangbang

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)